I Am My Mother's Daughter

"My identity rests firmly and happily on one fact: I am my mother's daughter." - Spanglish, 2004

Today is what would be my mother's 73rd birthday. I didn't even realize it when I woke up this morning...but when I glanced at the date on my computer screen at work, it struck me.

She passed away 15 years ago, the "C" word, she was only 58. But she wasn't just a mother to myself and my brother, she was the matriarch of our entire extended family in this country.

Mount Annapurna in the Himalayas

Anna, her name was Annapoorna, sanskrit for 'the giver of food and nourishment', was exactly that. She thought nothing of having 100 people over to our house for dinner parties, and she did it often. I grew up in a home where we always had family and friends over for dinner, and regularly had huge gatherings where my mother was the hostess, chef and entertainment. She was an accomplished Indian Carnatic music singer, and after she served everyone a multi-course extravagant gourmet dinner, she would then sing for everyone into the night. She was always the last to want to leave a party, she was always laughing, she always found the humor and positive in everything, she loved having fun and she loved life. This was my upbringing...I was raised by a woman who felt that life was to be celebrated to the fullest.


She was an amazing woman. She was strong, she was smart, she was talented, she was beautiful, she was funny. She was not afraid.

She would have been 73 today, yet I never knew my mother as an old woman, she left us at such a young age.
My children were 7 and 5 at the time, my niece and nephew not yet born. My kids remember her, but they were still so young, though the last words she spoke were to my son in the hospital, "Go home and be happy." 



Today I have been reflecting, and I often wonder what my mother would think of my life path and journey, and what words she would have for me now...I do not nearly possess her strength and courage.

And yet, I am my mother's daughter. 

A Weekend on the Island

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms.”― Henry David Thoreau, Walden: Or, Life in the Woods

I read "Walden" before I moved to the island...Kauai is my equivalent to Thoreau's woods. It is isolated and solitary, yet it has allowed me to focus on the essential facts of life, and I am attempting to learn what it has to teach me. The island has me attempting to discover that which is real and true, what is necessary, what is frivolous, what is frivolous yet necessary for me, and the ability to recognize the difference.

I have been feeling a little beaten up lately. Not everyone shares the same vision or desire to focus on the 'prana' or life force which drives us and guides us. And of late, I have lost my focus as well, and am struggling to regain my center. So this weekend, I decided to create two days that would recharge me and nourish my spirit.

My 'weekend' is Tuesday and Wednesday. My first commitment is to my yoga. 90 minutes of grueling heat and postures, and as my teacher said yesterday, 90 minutes of intention without expectation.

An amazing class and an amazing way to start most days. Shower and then off to Ke'e Beach, where I basked in the sun, swam in the sea, and saw a monk seal basking as well!

Heading home I was fortunate to catch the end of a beautiful Farmer's Market in Hanalei, and was able to replenish my supply of organic fruits and vegetables...day ended with a delicious homemade quinoa pilaf with onion, tomatoes, green beans, carrots and basil, all fresh from the market.

Today I had a snorkeling excursion with Reef Guides Hawaii. As an excursion that I regularly recommend and book for work, I wanted to experience this particular guided tour through one of the reefs here on North Shore. For those of you who know me well, you know that although I am quite athletic, swimming, especially ocean swimming, is not my forte. Yet I found myself signed up for a snorkeling trip where I would be swimming about 250 yards off shore...and though initially I was panicked, I talked myself into just breathing and staying calm, and I was able to turn my fear into strength and had an exhilarating morning and afternoon. And to top it off, my guide commented on what a good swimmer I was...I love it!

Fresh mango salsa heaped on pan-grilled opah, and then a written reflection to end the day...a great weekend on the island. Simple, not glamorous, yet true to self, true to my center.