The Empty Nest

Up until now, for the most part, I have been writing about my personal journey forward. To say that my life has changed dramatically in the past two years would be completely undermining the reality of my existence. Instead of treading forward on a path that was already etched out for me, I chose a fork in the road, a dirt path, and am proceeding forward on a path and future unknown, with complete faith that this is the journey that I was meant to be on...there are days that I question my intention and purpose, and there are days that I revel in the beauty and the freedom and the clarity. All days are part of the journey and process...

But there are some days that I reflect back, back to such a different reality. I am a mother, first and foremost, and though I look forward and move forward, I have heartstrings that forever are connected to two hearts. 

Not too many years ago, the schedule of my week, my month, my year and my life, was dictated by my children's schedule. Baseball season, softball season, daily swim team practice, swim meets, all-star baseball, soccer, football, basketball, choir rehearsals, performances, oh, and there was school, and children who got hot breakfasts and homemade lunches and comfort food for dinner....I was team mom, room mom and working mom. I was a mom. My joy and my fears were entwined in theirs...Harmon batting with 2 outs and the go ahead run at third base, Arya trying out for a solo in choir, Harmon missing a block or tackle, or getting a sack, Harmon becoming president of Greenbrook Elementary, Arya being 'Most-Valuable Alto", making Jazz Choir...my heart would pound and ache and rejoice in their moments. Their moments were my moments. Harmon delivered a brilliant speech during his high school baccalaureate, and Arya sang an amazing song, 'Hero', at her baccalaureate. In both cases, I had a difficult time containing my emotion, and I could literally feel my heart beating out of my chest...but they both were brilliant, they both 'nailed it' and the overwhelming feeling of pride and joy is hard to describe or express.

I have an empty nest now, but I have amazing children. They are beautiful people, inside and out. They are kind, they are sincere, they are not afraid of hard work, and anything they do, they do whole-heartedly. And though the schedule of my life no longer is dictated by theirs, I still remain their biggest fans, my heart still aches and rejoices in their moments, and they still give me an overwhelming feeling of pride and joy. 

And today I reflect, as I see many of my friends and family all still in the midst of the everyday...cherish this time, as it will soon be a reflection, and you will soon be reflecting on your memories and your own reflection.

The Music of Aloha

In trying to move forward with vision, clarity and intention here on the island, I have to look inward and remember what brought me here. There is magic here on the islands if you can sense it, but what was it that brought me that magical feeling? It was all that was sensual...the sights, the smells, the sounds, the taste, the feeling of the warmth...all of this was a draw and a pull for me to come here.

But I am a singer, and music calls to me and sings to my soul, it resonates in me. I feel emotion and sincerity in music...and Hawaiian music has so much beauty in its sounds and chords and harmonies. The emotion is real and so peaceful, and I don't even know what the lyrics mean most of the time...but it is beautiful music that has captured me and has drawn me in.

Two weeks ago I had the privilege of attending a live performance of Keali'i Reichel here in Kauai. He lives on Maui and does not regularly perform live. He brought one other guitarist and his cousin to dance hula...he was informal, had an open forum to ask questions, he talked story...it was perhaps one of the best evenings I have had on this island. And though I have been listening to his music for almost 20 years, it was an enriching evening of insight into this beautiful island culture and history.

The experience reminded me of the peace and calm that music can bring to us, and the clarity that it brings to the perception of our surroundings and our life. I have always turned to music in times of transition and challenge, and it has always brought me a sense of understanding and calm. I look forward to finding and experiencing more music of aloha here.